Saturday, July 25, 2009

~genap 15 tahun pemergian abah tercinta~

26 Julai 1994. 15 years back, around 2.30pm. I lost the most wonderful person on earth I've ever known. My father. Died of heart attack. He looked very healthy in the morning when he sent me and my younger brother and sister to school. It happened very fast. I still remember, when I got back to school, I found him sleeping. My mother said that my father was not feeling very well. That was all. Never imagine that it will be the last few minutes with him. I would have never imagine that I'm going to loose him that day or any other days. I was 11 at that time. I always thought that we will be together as long as I live. I had always imagine that he will be there during my graduation day, he will be there seeing me becoming a doctor ( I always wanted to become a doctor when I was little kid). I never thought that we will loose any of our beloved family members so soon. Then I learnt that Allah Maha Besar dan Maha Berkuasa. Setiap kejadian tu pasti ada hikmahnya. And it was true. My family became very close and were there for each other at that particular time. Everybody was emotionally unstable. We're very shocked because we never face such a dugaan yg sgt memilukan...Especially losing one of the most wonderful, pure-hearted person, it was very hard for us..for me..I am still remember holding my father's head in my arms and calling for my mother. I was preparing to go to the evening Islamic school, and looking for the clothes that I have to wear when I noticed that my father was trying very hard to breath. I tried to hold him and ask him what's wrong but I got panicked when things got worse. My mother, who was going to pray Zuhur prayer, came quickly. That was the last few moments with my beloved father. I knew Allah love him more than us that Allah took him so early as we never thought about it. And Allah had made it easy for him. He was not even got sick for one day. It was just a few hours and he was gone. Enough to show us that he was a very good human being and His good servant. Up until now, I never find someone like him. Seseorang yang tidak pernah berdendam, seseorang yg tidak pernah marah walaupun dia dimarahi, seseorang yg tidak pernah berkasar, seseorang yg lembut dalam setiap percakapan, seseorang yg tidak lupa perintah agama, seseorang yg tahu besar nya sst amanah dan t'jawab,seseorang yg berusaha keras demi keluarga, seseorang yg amat mementingkan pendidikan anak2, dan bermacam lagi impressive personality if talking about my late father. It is very hard to be like him. I can never be like him. No one can. To all readers, whether you have faith in God or not, I may want you to pray for my father. May him be in peace. Bersama dgn org2 yg soleh dan beriman. InsyaAllah..
[Abah...Alin harap abah nampak Alin kat mana sekarang..Alin dapat smbg study ke oversea..mcm yg abah harapkan..doakan Alin berjaya untuk bergelar seorang doktor..Abah sentiasa dalam ingatan, tidak sesaat pun hilang dlm memori..setiap kali jantung ini berdegup, setiap kali itulah, Alin akan sentiasa mengingati segala jasa dan pengorbanan dan terutamanya kasih sayang Abah..Dan Alin akan ingat pesanan Abah, hanya dengan ilmu kita akan dihormati masyarakat..InsyaAllah Alin akan sambung cita2 abah yang tak kesampaian...InsyaAllah..doakan Alin abah......]

~kehilangan yang dirasai~

Julai sekali lagi mencatat kenangan pilu bagi kami sekeluarga. 21 Julai 09, kami telah menerima berita kematian wan (nenek). Arwah wan adalah wan dan dia juga adalah atuk kepada kami. Sejak kecil kami tak pernah berjumpa datuk dan nenek sebelah abah. Datuk sebelah mak pun meninggal ketika aku masih kecil. Jadi arwah wan adalah atuk nenek kami. And the reason for us utk merasa balik kampung ke rumah wan during hari raya. Tentunya mulai raya tahun ni, kehilangan wan akan dirasai. Selalunya, kami sekeluarga akan pulang menziarah wan di pagi raya setelah selesai sembahyang raya dan mengunjungi pusara arwah abah, bang teh dan bang tam. Itulah tradisi kami sejak bertahun-tahun yg lepas. Tapi tahun ni pastinya berlainan. Walaupun aku tiada di Malaysia, tp tetap merasai kesan kehilangan wan. Pastinya berlainan sekali suasana raya. Melihat keriangan di wajah wan di pagi raya menyambut kepulangan anak cucu dan cicit yang ramai, pasti membahagiakan. Sudah tentu sebagai cucu, kami turut gembira kerana dpt pulang ke kampung menziarahi wan. Itu sudah menjadi kegembiraan setiap anak cucu setiap kali menjelang perayaan. Tapi semua itu sudah berlalu bagi kami. Pasti kenangan itu akan menjadi satu kenangan manis buat aku dan keluarga. Dan kini tiada lagi org yg boleh aku panggil dgn gelaran wan, atuk atau nenek. Di sebelah keluarga suami pun da lama pergi kedua belah atuk dan opah. Sedih nya perasaan ni tak dpt menatap wan di saat akhir arwah ni sakit dan saat sebelum dikebumikan. Teringat kembali sblm ke Canada ni, sempat menziarah wan, dan arwah kerap bertanya kepada aku bila nk pergi ke Canada. Sebab dia tahu aku berkahwin awal sebab nk buat persiapan ke Canada, dan selepas kahwin, asyik bertanya bila nk pergi. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat yg tak terhingga kepada arwah wan dan sememangnya aku dan adik beradik amat bersyukur kerana Allah telah memanjangkan umur wan sehingga 21 Julai 09 dan dapatlah kami merasa bagaimana indahnya ada seseorang yg bergelar nenek. ALFATIHAH......................

Saturday, July 4, 2009


I miss my mother so much..Weekend ni try call few times but no one answered. I dunno why, but since I went to Canada, my mind keep recalling the times when me and my mother were together. I couldn't help crying if I started to remember what I did to my mother. Even now, I always do the best for her, but it is still not enough to repay her. Her sacrifice. Her unconditional love (which when I was young, I mean very young, I always felt that I was not the favourite ones, terukkan?). Since my father passed away in 1994, I thought that I had lost someone that could understand me and love me with all his heart. It was because my mother was quite 'garang' when we were kids. I always had the kind of rebellious character towards my mother during my teen years. But always I ended up with guilty and regrets.

When I grew older, I started to realize how much she had done for us, how she loved us so much. Thus, I hate being a teenager. Don't take me wrong, I mean why as a teenager we have to be a rebel and wanted everybody to listen to us?? yeah, I knew what you gonna say. That's part of life. And, Alhamdulillah, I'm getting better in controlling my emotion as time goes by. So, I want to start to love my mother and care for her unconditionally and do whatever it takes to make her happy. I know now how much she love me. Infinity. My sisters and nieces kept telling me how sad she was the day I went to Canada. And they tried to keep her happy, which she could only feel that when she heard my voice on the phone. Sedih sgt masa tuh. But as time goes by, we are getting better. And from now on, I promise to myself not to hurt her feeling anymore, InsyaAllah. ~Cos she is everything to me~

~home sweet home~

Salam to all,
Just wanna share with you guys some pictures of our current home in Kitchener, Canada. The reason is, I found it really interesting here in Canada where people is very up-to-date in terms of their home decor. They'll just put their unwanted furniture, yet still in good condition, at the garbage dump site or by the road side and that's how I found some of my furnitures and even my television! In addition, people here are very very kind and helpful (I feel blessed that I met with those special people). First of all, I was introduced to Kak Lisa and Kak Mazni (both Malaysian)by the Malaysian Student Dept in Canada, who helped me a lot with my settlement and university registration and everything. Then, their neighbour,Patty (Canadian), who gave me bedding set, tv cable, cookware and dining set, and even offered her pick-up truck to move all my things to my new rented apartment. Later, I met with Sister Mariam (occasionally at the masjid),who has been migrating to Canada from Somalia with her husband who work as an engineer. She had really made me realized the concept of sisters and brothers in Islam. She is really good to us. Of course, she'd helped us a lot. Sometimes I felt like rejecting her help, but she always gave me good reason why I should accept it. For example, when she wanted to give me the dining set, I refused, but she told me that was a present from her and her husband to the newly wed couple. I couldn't resist. After all, I feel lucky and fortunate enough to know good people like them all. Alhamdulillah, thank Allah for the bless and the endless love to us.

Friday, July 3, 2009

~Journey of life that I'll never forget~

2008. It was a very very very tiring and exhausting year I guess. Everything needs to be done at the same time. Well, at the first thought, I could never imagine that it would be so hard. But, you know, as the olders have always say, "kahwin bukan benda main2", hehe..and it led me to the mentally and emotionally disturbance while working on my wedding ceremony. And it was not only for the wedding that I have to focus on, they are few big things that I have to really concentrate on as well. My job as a tutor. Sound easy. Temporary tutor. Sound scary! Therefore, I need to focus on my work as well in order for me to get a permanent job. And the condition is: you have to obtain your PhD within 1 year of your employment. And what year is it?2008,huh? Consequently, I started working on my supervisor-hunting in universities around the globe. Alhamdulillah, I got a positive response from a professor who is likely one of the famous prof in my field of study. I got accepted to University of Waterloo, Canada to pursue my study. And that was not all. Working on that university hunting had already gave me headache, and now I have to focus on my planning about my marriage. Should it be before I go to Canada or after I have finish my study? First simple question. But the answer....Of course my boyfriend (at that time), Helmi, won't le me go alone, as well as my family. So, I got the answer. Within few months (I was thinking that I would go crazy), I have to settle everything. Before I received my acceptance letter from Waterloo, Helmi and I, we never discuss about our marriage seriously. And it was then, we're becoming like 'tak tentu hala' kind of person. Our work had slightly affected (especially Helmi). You know, how to arrange for kursus kahwin+merisik+bertunang+nikah+resepsi, plus I have to focus on my preparation to start my study+btn+deal with KPT+deal with UPM, within limited of time, and the result = CHAOS. Helmi and I had tried to convince our family not to have all the ceremonies as we have lots of things to be done at that very time, except for solemnization and reception, but then, both our families are very much hold to custom and malay tradition (ooh my goodness).~sigh~

I will never forget doing all the preparations for both huge things in my life. I was emotionally fragile and luckily I have met with a very very very understanding+tolerence man (although I considered him as not up to my expectation at that time because of exhausted mind), and he kept me doing all the things patiently. Thank to Allah, we managed to have our merisik in June 08, engangement in October 08, solemnization in November (have to do it separately with receptions as the reception would be in Dec which was too late for us to get the certificate of marriage in order to apply for visa and allowances for spouse) and finally receptions in Dec 08. Unlike the normal newly wed couples, we haven't get the chance to go for honeymoon or anything like celebrations, thus, we continue working on our visas and helmi's application for his unpaid leave.~sigh~ But eventually, we managed to settle everything on time except for Helmi's visa. Even though it was very frustrating that Helmi could not come together with me to Canada in January 09, after all, we feel blessed with strength, courages, helps, and rahmat from Allah s.w.t. that been given to us all this while. We will always remember the journey that we've gone through and we will hold to that forever (like what Helmi says, x de org bleh buat mcm kita ni sayang :p) I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who always be with us during the ups and downs and for eveything they're doing for us. You guys make everything possible!

Umairah-the jewel of our family

Nor Atikah Umairah..It was back in November 2005 when my sister, who have been married for 10 years and still didn’t get a "rezeki" to have a baby,made a decision to adopt one. And there she was…Nor Atikah Umairah…My sister took her right after she was born in the hospital and she had all of us cried in joy. I was in Japan then but I felt like I was there! Umairah and I have a chemistry since the first time I hold her in my arms. She used to cry a lot for the first 3 weeks and I was there in my hometown as I had my semester break during that time. I have many great memories to remember while taking care of her.When she was crying,I could make her quite.I bet all of my friends won’t believe this. Even her mom always gave up to stop her from crying!!! As she grew up,she’s getting clever and clever and she’s cute and chubby and bubbly and everything.All of us in the family love her so much and even her cousins will only looked after her when they’re back to their grandma’s house (as Umairah house just near my mom’s house).She is the jewel in the family.We love her so much.I love her so much.I never thought that she’s different from us (eventhough her skin and eating habbit is different from most of her cousins ). Helmi loves her too. Anybody meet this cute little girl will fall in love with her because she’s smart and bubbly and cute.I love seeing her growing up and she could really put my tense away. However, I am now in Canada with my hubby, pursuing my study and miss the chance of seeing Umairah grows up. But I heard from my mom that she's more talkative. Even, she now knows how to advise people! ;) She is really special to us. Umairah was not born from the womb of her mother but she’s born from everybody’s heart in the family. That’s make her so SPECIAL…