And he is safely arrived....

salam n hi all,
baru je ade masa skit nk tulis blog :) sgt busy melayan karenah lil sweethearts yg akan genap 2 bulan on march 1st (patutnya feb 29th,tp feb smpi 28 jek..huhu). 2 months of motherhood..tiring but exciting!bangun malam..uughhh..but to see him growing healthy n now with his smile n lovely talk, it worth it anywayss!saje nk tulis psl the day he's born..tetibe t'igt blik p'jalanan me n helmi menempuh saat paling berharga dlm hidup kami..dan inilah ceritanya...

Alhamdulillah..the most awaited moment has come..Wednesday, Dec 29th 2010, 7.30pm (Canada ET), my beloved lil precious had safely arrived at Grand river Hospital, Kitchener Waterloo, Canada. It's hard to believe that I  had already given birth to a healthy baby boy. I still remember when Dr Wackim pull him out and he wasn't crying. His face was like 'err..where am I mother? I'm all scared!'. We can see and hear him crying when the nurse took him and start to clean him up and resume with standard baby checkup procedure. At that time, Helmi was saying to me 'anak kite sayang' with unbelievable remark and so did I. Felt like crying but I tried to stay strong. Of course I was extremely happy but at the same time I felt sad when I think about the 3 of us without our family by our side. However, I know their prayers are always with us.

Welcome to the world Hayyan Hayden!

It is still fresh in my mind days before Hayyan Hayden was born. Can u imagine, I could still doing shopping on Boxing Day (Dec 26th). At first, Helmi didnt want me to go out anymore since my due date was approaching. But he was the one who made me wanted to go out on that day! He kept on saying to buy new wallet lah, belt lah, leather jacket lah, but never did anything bout it. Deep down in my heart, I do feel sympathy for him because it was soooo long he hadnt changed his old faded wallet and his belt. So, there we go! Went out on Boxing Day and being in the middle of thousands of people (i'm not exaggerating!), enough to make me feel extremely exhausted. And guess what? Again, Helmi didnt find what he wanted interesting. Duuh..da la penat ni..Why he is such a choosy shopper?? lastly, and again, I was the one who always get something for myself when I'm at a mall :) And Helmi, he bought himself a PSP which I didnt understand the necessity of having one :( ermm whatever la sayang, as long as u're happy (altho I'm not happy bout it :( ).

We arrived home when it was already dark. I was too tired to cook, so Helmi decided just to eat instant noodles a.k.a mamee kari berapi..hahaha..no good..no good for pregnant woman :) while having yummy mammee curry noodles, I started to feel something wrong with my stomach and my back. It was like muscles pulling and I assumed perhaps it was muscles fatigue due to my shopping exercise I had earlier that day. Helmi started to feel worry and I was the one to calm him down (lorrr..terbalik pulak..padahal dlm hati takut jgk..hihi).

Next day (Dec 27th), the pain became worse but still, I managed to do some house chores and packing up stuff to bring to hospital, in case anything happen soon. Luckily Helmi had long break from Christmas to New Year so he's home with me when I was having the early signs of labour. I was not sure if the pain was really a sign of labour because I thought it must be more painful than what I was experiencing. Later in the day, the pain is more like contractions that have been described by many people. I asked Helmi to write down the time everytime I felt the contractions. And I noticed the lower back pain had become persistent and Helmi figured out that the contractions occurred at regular intervals. Both of us started to feel nervous and we decided to call both our moms to tell the situation. Funny thing was, dua2 mak tak nak ckp panjang, masing2 da lagi nervous dari kami, suh kami pi hospital right away. Masa tu lah, emosi sikit because they were worried about the two of us handling the situation. Lepas nanges2 minta maaf and so on, call taxi (sib baik da siap pack brg awal2, ikutkan nk pack da dekat due date which in Jan 4th) and trus pg hospital. Ooops before that, call our sisters here, k.mazni, k.lisa and k.as, telling them that we're going to the hospital. Sebab diorg nilah yg akan take care of everything (masak, bw baby's car seat, n so on) when we're in hospital. Sampai2 hospital, check2, doc ckp baru 1-2cm dilated. Dia suruh balik dulu. Nanti bile da msk active stage dtg lagi. Aik! beria je my OB ckp if u're having any signs of labour trus ke Triage. Tapi since the doc ckp that was normal, so we went home late that night. penaaat..~sigh~ Sampai rumah trus tido. Guess what? x dpt tido. The contractions became stronger and longer. Aduuhh...Since the next day we have our last visit to Dr Ross office (my OB), I just wanted to wait for the checkup and see what Dr Ross will suggest. Tapi mmg x dpt tido la kan.

Next day (dec 28), went to Dr Ross office and told her that I'm having intense lower back pain, bloody mucus and the contractions are getting stronger. She could not wait any longer and check me up right away. And she said that the cervix had been 4cm dilated and asked me to go straight away to the hospital (just across her office). I told her that the nurse in Triage only want me to come if my water break or else they will send me home again. She called the nurse in Triage right away to make sure that they'll look after me. Again, we went to Triage at the hospital. And again, the doc at the hospital still think that I'm not in active labour so she advised me to go home and rest as much as I can. This time around, I was quite upset and angry too because I haven't sleep last night due to the pain I'm fighting with and now she's asking me to rest as much as I can..Ohh nooo..They offer me if I want to take pain relief such as Demerol wutsoeva, but I refused when I was told about the consequences of taking that. So, balik lah semula kami ke rumah. Sian tgk Helmi, mengusung je la bag kami ke hulu ke hilir for 2 days in a row. Nak marah pun ade dgn pihak hospital masa tu tp sbb nurse tu pujuk ckp ni prosedur biase, so terima jelah.

Later that night, the contractions was so intense, and the brownish bloody mucus is still coming out and I couldn't sleep at all. I asked Helmi to put a bag of warm water on my back but it still didn't work. This time I felt like crying! Bermakna sudah dua malam tak dapat tidur langsung and I was worried if I have no energy when the real time comes. When the time approaching Subuh prayer, I couldn't stand it anymore. I woke Helmi up and ask him to pray Subuh prayer so that we can go to hospital right away. While Helmi's praying, I went to take bath (in case kene tahan kt hospital, at least da mandi siap2). Baru je selesai buang air kecil, suddenly I felt like more water coming out. I knew that was not a pee because I had no control over it.Baru je nk melangkah kaki ke tub mandi, gusshhhh..hell yeah, this is really waters break, I told myself. Terus menjerit panggil Helmi dan die pun trus dtg dlm kerisauan. Melihatkan air ketuban yang da byk keluar dr kaki, Helmi suruh trus siap ke hospital. Tapi biasalah saya, tetap degil nk mandi jgk. So mandi dulu dalam kesakitan.

That day (dec 29th), awal pagi da terpacul kt hospital..Seb baik rumah dekat dgn hospital ni (5min drive je). Alhamdulillah, kali ni bile nurse tu check die ckp da 6-7cm dilated and kena tahan ward. Fuh lega dlm ksakitan..huhu..Mule2 checkup kt triage. Lame jgk duduk kt dalam tu (8am-11am) before transfer ke private room. Terkejut jugak bile disediakan satu bilik untuk kami. As far as I remember, mase isi borang tu, I choose the standard ward (3 person), sebab itu yang di cover oleh health insurance plan kami (which is paid by the government of Malaysia, thank you KPT!), Tapi dapat private room pulak. Ade tandas dan side bed for Helmi lagi. Alhamdulillah, rezeki baby nih. Around noon mase tu da sangat sakit and I asked the nurse lame lagi ke rasenyer nk deliver nih, and she said it's up to the contractions u're having. Tapi nurse kate die sgt kagum dgn I sbb die x nmpk pun mcm I'm having contractions for 7cm. Siap boleh sembang2 dgn die and helmi lagi. Tapi apepun, I still choose to have epidural while I'm in labour sbb I sgt takut ok. Nak ikutkan kuat, my hubby ckp I sgt kuat tapi disebabkan takut ckp jgk kt nurse tu nk pki epidural. Pukul 2pm da dlm epidural..aahhhh..sgt lega..x rase ape dah..tny nurse tu die ckp around 7pm mgkn akan keluar, sbb epidural tu mgkn melambatkan cervix to fully dilated kot, tp da x kesah sbb da x rase sakit :)

ni waktu kt dlm triage..b4 msk ke pvt room..first station b4 msk bilik sndr..6-7cm dilated..sakit wooo..dats y mase ni pikir epidural je :) but still can smile,huh?

Tepat 7.15pm, nurse suh try push and she said she could see the hair of the baby already. Tak menunggu lame, she made final preparation and called doc and the team to the room. When Dr Wackim arrived at 7.25pm, she only asked me to push several time and at 7.38pm, they he go...I could see the doc pulled him out and gave him to the nurse waiting to do the standard routine for newborn. He didn't cry when the doc pulled him out and only crying when the nurse took him and put him upside down. Helmi mase tu by my side, and we're too excited looking at our precious and beloved Hayyan Hayden..'anak kite sayang..'kate2 helmi yang membuatkan I nk nangis..tapi tahan and cepat2 suruh helmi pg amik pic baby. Alhamdulillah, syukur Ya Allah Kau permudahkan bagi kami segala urusan kami.

 Calming him down..

inilah rupe anak mommy bbrp minit selepas selamat dilahirkan..

Selepas dimandikan later that night..

Malam pertama, baby tido dgn daddy kt katil daddy..sebab kesian nk biar die dlm crib tu sorang2. Mase nurse dtg every 2 hour nk pantau mom and baby, die senyum je. Nasib baik die x kesah sbb biasenye diorg suruh baby tido dlm crib yg disediakan tu, tp die faham perasaan mom and dad. Malam tu mommy x tido..tgk je Ian and daddy dari katil mommy. Next day, we're still in the hospital..byk sgt procedure baby has to go thru..so we decided to stay je smpi jumaat..lagipun bilik sgt selesa for us..Alhamdulillah, kwn2 kt sini kak mazni, kak lisa, kak as, aiat n sanaa byk sgt membantu waktu mcm ni..dtg hantar makanan n waktu nk blik pun diorg jgk kene dtg hantar car seat for baby, kalo x, x boleh kuar hospital baby tu..wajib kt sini!
Jumaat dec 31st, barulah kami bawa ian pulang ke rumah. fuh lega semuanya selamat.

Dan yang penting, at this moment, I da selamat menghabiskan tempoh berpantang dan baby is doing great. Alhamdulillah..

Ian's latest pic..at 7 weeks..

InsyaAllah lepas ni more blog about him plak..if I have time la..

38 weeks and counting days!!!

Salam and hi all!

Waaah...tetibe I feel so rajin nk update blog. FYI, I seldom open my own blog and once I open it, I want to take the chance to write anything that comes across my mind at this time. And the reason for me to have this blog pun because I want to keep and share things (esp the important ones) in a more friendly way. I can imagine myself at 40s and recall all the things that had been happening in my life by going thru all posts in this blog. Haha..must be feeling a bit silly and shame then but yet it could be an inspiration of what I have to become then.

Me @ 38weeks :)

Talking about keeping and sharing thing, I suddenly feel the urge to write about myself at the 38weeks of pregnancy and am counting days for the arrival of new bundle of joy :) So far, I haven't feel any signs of labour and everything is just doing great. Alhamdulillah.Baby's moving actively (even now while writing this post :p), I can still cook and do some house chores (not much tho), and most importantly, I still feel relax and that will allow me to get prepared for labour. InsyaAllah.

Alhamdulillah, at this stage, preparation to greet the lil bundle of joy is well prepared, I guess :) But you know la as a woman, we always have something else to buy altho the thing is not in the list at the 1st place :) Oftenly, when I had a discussion with Helmi, he would ask me, 'is everything ok?', 'what else do we need to buy?', 'is everything complete?' and so forth. I would always reply 'yeah, I think everything is ok', 'yup, we have everything complete' and so forth. But later on, I would go like 'ermm, sayang, I think we should have this and this', or ' sayang, I think I want to buy this so that blablabla..' or 'sayang, my friends/people said this thing is great for newborn' and it goes on and on..huhu..and Helmi would look at me like 'duuuhh..what else??'. However, it has been a great experience for us in preparing the arrival of our lil bundle of joy and also in ensuring that my pregnancy is going well. Alhamdulillah, thank to Him for the gift and opportunity He'd given us.

Ermmm..I still remember the 1st time we went shopping for baby's stuff at Babies r us when I was 7months pregnant. We spent about CAD600++(about rm1800++) there and we got only few stuff! Blame it on me because I didnt ask anyone or survey the market before doing the shopping. I only know Babies r us cos it is so familiar with babies' stuff and all. After being disappointed with the little things we got at Babies r us, I started asking around and surfing the web to compare the prices and there u go..there were more places that offer cheaper prices with the same brand and quality! huh..it's ok la lynn..saya budak baru belajar kannn...

>>Among the 'few stuff' that we got from Babies r us. The Medela breastpump and the Fisher Price Oceania crib/bedding set. the car seat accessories>> the jumper for winter baby and head hugger>> and also tiny-miny stuff like mittens, socks, hats, and washcloths which I can get double-less price if I go to Wal Mart!

The subsequent shopping events have taken place at the Bonnie Togs (where u can find branded baby's clothing with cheaper price e.g. Osh Kosh B'Gosh, Carters etc), Wal mart (where u can find babies' stuff, gadgets and accessories which offer lesser price than that of Babies r us, and they're the same brand, fyi). And we're also felt indebted to some friends for giving us some most needed baby's stuff (Manal and family for the crib,car seat, K.evi and k.janna for a wonderful advice and helps and gifts). May Allah bless them with wonderful children.

Crib from Manal&family. We have to buy the bedding set at our own since Manal offered pinky bedding set because she got 2 daughters :)

One thing that give us unique and different experience is when we're looking for baby's winter clothing and accessories as he'll be arriving during winter time. Of course, we couldn't refer much to our family or friends back home. So, I have to ask some friends here to know what should I get for winter baby. Memang best shopping baby's stuff esp kt negara sejuk nih cos the clothing is soooo chomel2. My hubby also had to control his desire to buy the whole store for our baby :)

>> 1st pic: baby's snowsuit and snow jacket from Gap and Osh kosh.>>2nd pic: baby's first Guess suit.>>3rd pic: Baby's first pair of jeans from osh kosh.>>4th pic: some of baby's sleepers. What I want to show here is that most of these clothing are made for cold weather , so if nk blik kampung (Malaysia), have to do another round of shopping trip! (helmi: oh no..money again :p)

Looking back at all baby's clothing that we have bought, one thing did across my mind (and my hubby's too). 'Kalau ade rezki dpt baby lg lepas nih (mudah2an dipanjangkan umur dimurahkan rezki, amin..), dah tentu tak dpt pakai da si abang punya baju2. Semua tebal2, mmg pengsan kalo pki kt M'sia!' :) tp xpelah..we have strong reason here and they're not wasteful expenditures. Ermmm..I guess thats it for now..Backache bila duduk lame2 ngadap laptop nih..need to stretch up jap.. InsyaAllah, will update the blog after the baby has born :) Sebab saya mmg malas nk update selalu :p

(p.s: I would like to request all readers to make prayers for me and my baby. May the delivery going well and at ease, and pray for the safely arrival of our baby.)

ikan pari bakar in da house!!!!

salam and hi all!

after quite a while, tetibe jek update psl ikan pari bakar :) sebabnya hari ni buat ikan pari bakar+air asam..2nd time buat, but this time around kene update sbb ade story sket :) actually, ikan bakar is always be my favourite dish aside from sambal ikan keli (or known as ikan sembilang in negri9). However, since we're living in Canada, there's no way to find ikan cencaru (itu je ikan yg biasa dibuat ikan bakar), but Helmi insisted to make ikan bakar with stingray. Kalau di Malaysia, memang jarang (or can I say never?) beli ikan pari buat ikan bakar or even makan kt kedai pun. At least, I would choose ikan kembung bakar kalau nk makan ikan bakar sgt.

Ikan pari bakar or masak asam pedas is always Helmi's favourite. Not really la I think, but he knows how to eat ikan pari (haha..I mean bukannya I tak tahu makan ikan pari, but tak minat). Apparently, after the 1st try making ikan pari bakar, I fell in love with ikan pari bakar plus the sweet sour air asam. Oh ya, before this I prefer to eat ikan bakar with sambal kicap, but since Helmi prefer air asam, so I learnt how to make air asam and again, I found it really delicious to have it with ikan bakar together.

1. Before di bakar :)

As usual, msti nk amik gmbr kenang2an :) and as usual jgk, Helmi mesti akan gelak :( xpe, nnt da tua2 nnt, u'll know how precious this kind of memory to us :)

2) Perap sekejap with all the bahan2

3) Tadaaaa..siap utk dimakan..ooops, today's air asam is a bit 'cair'. I love it anyways! (Name pun penggemar ikan bakar tegar :p)

And oh ya, the main reason nk sgt makan ikan pari bakar today adalah kerana due date is approaching, meaning confinement pun x lame lg lah (insyaAllah jika semua dipermudahkan). So, dah tentu x boleh makan ikan pari during pantang..hehe..itu yg beria suruh my lovely hubby beli jgk ikan pari. And bile Helmi tgk I was so excited to eat ikan pari bakar, he said that I was like a lil boy who is going to 'sunat'.. eleh mcm die lah tu..sbb die ckp dulu kalau nk sunat, before that nk makan KFC lah and mcm2 lah sbb nnt da dlm pantang x leh nk makan :) But for me, xdelah nk mkn mcm2 pun, sbb x byk choice pun kt sini..so, hopefully pantang nnt will be easier sbb xde byk godaan :) insyaAllah..

ok berbalik kpd topik ikan pari, I kind of menyesal cos I eat a lot during lunch td. Kesannya, I still full at 9pm!! Tadi masa lunch, Helmi da suruh stop when he saw me beria2 sgt makan. Not that he didnt want me to eat, but he knew me very well. Oftenly, if I eat too much (esp during pregnant ni), I would feel like vomiting or I could be full for a long period of time which is not good in order to get balance diet for my pregnancy. And here it comes again. I dont feel like eating at all. Perhaps when Helmi gets back from work at 10pm, I can join him for dinner. Hopefully......

moral of the story: Jangan terlalu mengikut nafsu!! Altho u havent eat ur fav food for more than a year, it's not a license for u to eat it too much once u get it! hurrmmm..pity me :(

happy 2nd anniversary!!

22 nov 2010..ermmm..nothing much to write about our 2nd anniversary actually! I know it should be an annual event where every married couple are looking forward to indulge themselves with party, romantic dinner, or romantic gateway just to tell their soul partner how important and precious they are to them. We didnt manage to throw ourselves something BIG on that day. But it didn't mean that we're not appreciating our marriage! It was just bcos I was no longer able to do such thing anymore (talking about 33weeks pregnant!).

What we did on that special day? We manage to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and before that, buying some baby's stuff..yeaayy! at least I manage to go out for more than 2 hours which seem to be the hardest thing to do now (staying outside for more than 2 hours!).

~Mom and Dad to-be on 22nd Nov 2010~

Actually I was more than excited about getting prepared for baby's arrival therefore for the whole weekend (where it supposed to be anniversary celebration), we spent time shopping (for bb) and started kemas2 bilik n rumah (assemble baby's wardrobe, crib and etc..). Meaningful what? kan?kan? since baby is on the way, lets celebrate our 2nd anniversary with the real proof of our love :) After all, I still been treated as a queen since I was just being a mandur and Helmi was doing everything actually :) Love u sayang!

That was all a lil bit about our 2nd anni. May Allah bless our marriage with happiness and beautiful (inside out) children. May Allah bless us with longevity and prosperity so we can celebrate another beautiful year of marriage with our baby. Amin.

hubby& roti canai

ketika org lain dok sibuk masak utk Thanksgiving dinner, nun jauh di sebuah basement apartment di bumi waterloo, kelihatan dua org manusia yg sibuk berceloteh sambil menguli doh..haha..ini semua gara2 bile kami berdua tetibe t'ingin nk makan roti canai..dah 2 thn kt sini, br la ni terasa nk mkn..nasib kami bukan 'pure maple' pny org :) kikiki..

almaklumlah, bile isteri yg tgh pregnant tetibe ckp nk mkn tu, nk mkn nih, si suami pun jd serba salah la jgk..tp kali ni, aku x rs bersalah sgt, sbb bangun2 pagi tu, cik suami pun ckp die t'ingin nk mkn roti canai..ape lg..sibuk la dok cr resepi kt internet :)

tp aku mmg kagum jgk dgn cik suami..rupe2nye ade bakat terpendam..untung jgk bile my mom-in-law pandai masak2..dulu siap berniaga kuih-muih..dats y cik suami tahu serba sedikit bab masak2 nih..sbb siblings die sume laki, sorang je pempuan..nk xnk kene tlg la jgk..mcm aku, rmi kakak2..so, bile diorg sume msk kt dapur aku kdg2 x amik serius pun blajar masak ni..setakat tolong potong2 bawang je..hehe..tp since kawen and merantau tmpt org ni, br la kene masak sndr..ermmm..xde lah ssh sgt pun..chewwah..tp kene byk lg praktis bak kate cik suami :( hihihi..

ok lets go back to roti canai thing..hampir 90% dibuat oleh cik suami..aku tlg bancuh2 bahan2 jek..tp kari ayam aku la yg buat 100%..cik suami x mau mkn dgn kuah dal, so senang la, xyah ssh2 cr kt internet..

cik suami yg bersungguh2 membuat doh roti canai..skill tebar x dpt nk capture..cik suami malu2..tp mmg sebiji la gaye cik suami time ni mcm mamak kt pelita nasi kandar..kekeke..
ni la ghupe roti canai yg chumel bebenor..ade bulat and segi4 :)

finally...ready to eat!! siap buat teh tarik lagi..cayalah en helmi!!!

mmg bersyukur sgt2 dpt mkn roti canai+teh tarik..sbb kalo ikutkan kepakaran memasak aku yg terhad ni, mmg kene tgu blik m'sia la br dpt makan..kekeke..thank you en suami! so, inilah dinner kitorg di petang thanksgiving..depa sume dok bakar turkey..bukan main lg bau smpi umah kami..tp xpa..kita hari2 shud be thankful to Allah..xdak tarikh specific yg kite perlu ucap rasa syukur..dpt mkn roti canai pun satu nikmat bagi org perantau mcm kami :) Alhamdulillah....

~berhenti berharap~

Sesungguhnya aku benar2 putus harapan. Tidak mahu lagi mengharapkannya. Sudahlah Lynn..berhentilah berharap pada sesuatu yang tidak akan berubah. Namun aku tidak akan sesekali berhenti mengharapkan rahmat dan kasih sayang dari Allah. Hanya itu yang akan mmebuatkan aku mampu untuk berjalan dan menghembus nafas di bumiNYa ini. Kasih sayang dan cinta sesama insan akan pergi dan berkubur atas pelbagai alasan tetapi tidak dengan Nya..

Selama ini banyak benar yang aku harapkan. Paling aku tunggu ialah kedatangan hujung minggu dengan harapan ianya dapat menggembirakan hati dan fikiran yang sudah penat di kala hari2 biasa. Tetapi hingga ke saat ini, ianya tetap berlalu tanpa dapat menyembuhkan kepenatan dan kesedihan yang dilalui pada hari biasa. Kadang2 hati ini cemburu melihat status kawan2 di facebook yang amat gembira menanti dan menghabiskan hujung minggu mereka dengan seronok sekali. Tetapi apa yang ada dengan hujung minggu aku? Mungkin pengajaran untuk aku, semua hari adalah sama sahaja, bergantung dengan cara kita menilai dan menghabiskannya. Mungkin ya mungkin tidak.

Tapi apa yang pasti, aku tidak akan lagi menunggu hari minggu untuk menggembirakan hatiku. Ianya boleh dilakukan pada bila2 masa sebenarnya. Dan aku benar2 berputus harap. Mungkin apabila pulang ke Malaysia kelak, aku akan kembali menanti hari minggu untuk pulang ke kampung berjumpa mak dan sanak saudara. Ya, itu adalah saat yang sampai bila pun akan ku tunggu dengan girang gembira.

Penantian suatu penyiksaan. Bayangkan apabila kita sentiasa menanti hari minggu untuk dihabiskan secara berkualiti, tetapi diakhiri dengan sesuatu yang lebih menyakitkan. Penyiksaan tadi ditambah pula dengan kesakitan. Aduh. Pedih rasanya hati ini. Dan ia berlaku minggu demi minggu demi minggu. Cukuplah. Hari apa pun tetap sama.

Hati ini tidak mampu lagi untuk menanti dan mengharap. Kerana balasannya amatlah menyakitkan. Amat2 sakit. Tidak sabar untuk pulang ke Malaysia dan kembali menanti hari minggu untuk pulang ke kampung halaman dan menyembuhkan kembali hati yang sentiasa dalam kesedihan ketika di bumi Canada ini.

~Ya Allah berilah kekuatan utk ku hadapi Ramadhan kali ini~

Ramadhan datang lagi. Rasanya seperti baru semalam aku dan suami berkejar2 naik basikal untuk solat tarawikh di masjid pada 2009. How time flies..(klise sungguh bg org2 yg alpa mcm aku :p) Tahun lepas w'pun berpuasa jauh di perantauan, suasananya sungguh berlainan memandangkan ianya yg pertama sejak bergelar suami isteri dan pertama kali juga berpuasa jauh dr keluarga tercinta. It was a new experience and I was looking forward for the Ramadhan to come. But it was last year's story. This year?? ermmm..terlalu hiba rasanya. We really looking forward to celebrate the Ramadhan and Eid this year with family and friends in Malaysia. But we can only plan but Allah had decided not to allow us. Ya Allah sesungguhnya aku redha..but deep down in my heart I feel really2+ xtremely sad. Terbayang2 wajah mak, my mom in law and keletah2 anak2 buah yg dah besar panjang skrg ni. Ampun Ya Allah, aku tidak bermaksud utk berputus asa dr rahmatMu. Sesungguhnya telah banyak yg Engkau telah limpahkan kepadaku namun telah aku dustakan tanpa aku sedari.

I know how sad my mom and my mom in law was when we told them that kami tidak ada rezki lagi utk balik ke Malaysia this year. Like my mom in law, sungguh terharu bila mendengar suaranya yg berubah. Tapi bagi my mother, when we told her tak jd blik, trus diam. No respond. I know she's trying not to cry. To hide her feeling. I know my mom. Walaupun mereka kemudiannya cuba memujuk hati kami (and definitely utk pujuk themselves), bagi kata2 semangat and everything, aku tetap berasa hiba. Tak tahulah. Mungkin disebabkan pregnancy ni kot. Sungguh2 emosi.

Banyak juga perkara yg aku sesalkan. Jika aku berjaya dlm Comps Exam tempohari, mgkn aku boleh balik ke Malaysia dgn senang hati. Since I have to repeat it, I'm afraid if I go back, then it will be more complicated to resume working on the paper. Tapi aku yakin, Allah punya rancangan yg lebih baik utk kami. Memandangkan my pregnancy yg sudah menjangkau 5 bulan skrg, we need to find new house yg lbh sesuai for the baby. So, actually we got lots of things jgk yg perlu disettlekan before I get too 'sarat'. Alhamdulillah, mgkn Allah tunjukkan kami jln yg lebih mudah.

Mungkin inilah dugaan utk kami. Siapalah kami utk mempersoalkan keputusan tuhan. Cuma harapan kami, berilah kami kekuatan ya Allah utk menghadapi Ramadhan kali ini. Berat rasanya perasaan rindu di hati dan fikiran kami ini. Mudahkan Ya Allah, ringankan beban kami Yang Maha Pengasih. Sungguh, aku yakin ada lagi yg diduga dgn dugaan yg lebih hebat dr kami. Sesungguhnya Ya Allah, golongkanlah kami dlm golongan org2 yg sentiasa mensyukuri segala nikmat dan rahmatMu YA ALLAH..Dan aku amat2 bersyukur2 kepada Mu Ya Allah di atas nikmat yg bakal Engkau berikan kepada kami utk bergelar ibu dan ayah. Indeed, You are the Most Merciful, the Most Beneficient..Syukur Alhamdulillah...